I love toast

Seriously, I do.

And I also loved our toasts!

From the bridesmaids, I chose my friend Katie to deliver the toast. We’ve been friends since Mr. Sperry’s Latin class in high school, and she’s gotten to know Charles better than most of my friends over the last few years.

I knew she wouldn’t disappoint in providing a comical, but also touching, toast to us as a couple:

Hi everyone!

I’m so happy to see all of you here, especially as Charles threatened to make me help him drink any leftover booze – my liver thanks you all!

When Mary asked me to speak at her wedding, I was happy to agree. After all, I speak for a living, how hard could it be, right?

Then she told me over 300 people were coming.

I have to admit, I freaked out a little.

But when I sat down to plan out this speech, it got a lot easier.

Because it’s SO easy to tell you how wonderful Mary is, and how kind Charles is, and what an incredible couple they are.

I met Mary when I was in 7th grade, on a trip to Philly with a group that was against the use of drugs and alcohol. You can see how well that worked out for us!

But before you all start thinking, “Awww, how sweet, they’ve been friends for 20 years.” – I’ve gotta burst your bubble.

Mary hated me for two YEARS before we finally became friends – but friends we are now, for…ALMOST 20 years. 😉

Which is a darn good thing, cause we’ve needed each other! From college stress to boy drama to family heartbreaks, we’ve been there for each other every single step along the way.

She has ALWAYS been the person I call first, whether something is horribly wrong OR totally right.

We’ve flown kites at the White House, gone midnight swimming, and she’s even gotten me quilting.

Mary is amazing – she’s the type of person that could give you good advice with her head in a bucket – she doesn’t even have to see where she’s going to give you the right guidance in life.

Now, Charles, I’ve met more recently – but from the moment I met him, there was no doubt in my mind that he and Mary would end up in this tent someday. He is easily most generous human being I’ve ever met.

For those of you who don’t know him that well, here’s proof. He helped me move recently…..UN….ASKED!

A few years after I met him, I was stranded with my roommate Jess in DC at midnight because the Metro had stopped running.

We called EVERYONE I knew in DC. Mary was on a train on her way to Boston, other friends were out of town, too, or asleep and not answering.After panic started setting in, my phone rang – it was Charles. He’d worked a full shift at the Irish Times, then gone to hang out with some friends in Adams Morgan. He was already miles out of the city, but TURNED AROUND at 12:30am to come and pick us up, and drive us 20 miles to our car in Vienna.

That’s the kind of guy Charles is. So that’s why I’m so thrilled they’ve gotten married. I can’t imagine a more loving pair.

So I have one more story to share – some of you might know, I’ve always called Mary, “MaryM” – and she’s always called me “KtF”. It’s the same way we tease each other about our friendship bringing the Catholics and the Jews closer together. But now that she’s married, she’s not MaryM anymore! She’s MaryMH!

When I was trying to wrap my head around this change, I kept testing whether I could start calling her MaryMH. I was repeating it over and over again, MaryMH, MaryMH, MaryMH – Marry a Mensch. Marry a Mensch. Marry a MENSCH??

At this point, I was laughing so hard, I started crying…in Yiddish, a Mensch is the ultimate good guy, the type of guy you want to bring home to your mother.

Mary’s new name defines Mary’s new life. Because Mary DEFINITELY married a mensch.

In honor of that realization, I’d like to close like this:

A Jew and a Catholic walk into a bar. The bartender looks at the Jew and says, what’ll ya have? She asks for her drink, he gets it, and looks at the Catholic and repeats, what’ll ya have? She looks him right in the eye and says, “YOU.”

I couldn’t be happier that she’s gotten her choice.

So I’d like all of you to grab the glass nearest you (hopefully it’s YOURS), and raise it in a toast! To Mary and Charles and a life together filled with happiness! Mazel Tov!

We love you KtF!